Thursday’s Thought – Abraham Lincoln on Success

“I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down…”

- Abraham Lincoln

The Marathon Journey

I want to quit.  Although in the past two weeks I’ve had some of my best runs since I found out I was pregnant, there is a huge part of me that really wants to hang up this whole marathon dream and just give up.  I’ll pick it up again after I have the baby.  After I’ve lost the baby weight.  When I’m closer to my weight loss goal.  When it will mean something.

See, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to run this marathon because there is a part of me that believes there isn’t anything for me to feel proud of anymore.  For various reasons I’m sure I’ll blog about at some point, I’ve really been struggling with food and I’ve already gained quite a bit of weight.  I feel HORRIBLE about myself (what is it about extra weight that makes me feel so ashamed?) and I just want to bury myself under the covers and never, ever leave the house.  When May comes around, I’m not going to be the girl who lost a hundred pounds and ran a marathon.  I’m not going to feel all cute and athletic in my running outfit and I’m not going to feel like I’ve achieved any of my goals (what makes me forget that running a marathon IS one of my goals – and a huge goal to accomplish, I don’t know.)

But then tonight, after a really encouraging conversation with a friend, I realized that I DO have something to be proud of if I run this marathon, especially if I’ve gained 20 or 30lbs by then:

I’m going to run it while pregnant AND fat!!! 

(I should probably clarify that my friend didn’t call me fat – he was actually expressing to me how proud of me he was for various things, including running while pregnant.)

After our conversation I came to realize that while others may be proud of me, I haven’t been feeling proud of me, lately.  There is a LOT about this marathon I had tied into losing weight.  When I realized that not only were my weight loss goals unobtainable right now, but I’m actually working in the opposite direction and gaining weight steadily (and rapidly), the marathon became something I wanted to give up on.

This marathon was supposed to be a glorious ending to an incredibly difficult struggle and victory over my weight.  It was supposed to be the crowning achievement of all my hard work.  I realize now that although I love the idea of running for the pure enjoyment of it, the reality is that up till now, I’ve trained for the marathon for the sake of having a beautiful moment of closure to what has been an incredibly difficult journey.  It was supposed to be a turning point – defining who I was (and what I weighed… the two are unfortunately linked in my mind) forever after.  When I realized it wasn’t going to be what I had planned it to be, I didn’t want to do it anymore.

But here is what I saw clearly for the first time, tonight: it’s not about me becoming who I think I want to become.  It’s not about a moment of truth, or the brilliant ending to some incredible journey.  It’s about me being exactly who I am, exactly where I am, doing exactly what I’m doing.  The marathon is part of my journey – whether I’m running while pregnant or nursing or menopausal, whether I’m at “goal weight” or wearing plus-sized running pants.  I pray that this is the first of many marathons (and maybe even ultra-marathons!) on my journey.  More importantly, I pray for the wisdom to see each stage of my life as another part of the incredible journey God and I and a bunch of amazing, wonderful people he has placed in my life are taking together. It’s all a part of the journey.

I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

7 Quick Takes – January 20

— 1 —

I have the most amazing, supportive husband.  Yesterday I discovered that there is a marathon coming up in Nashville taking place just a week before the one we had planned to run in Cincinnati.  Running this one would be much cheaper for us, and to be honest I was pretty bummed to hear that there was another option!  I don’t WANT to run the course in Nashville, but financially, it really is the best option.  Last night, when I spoke with my husband about it, he looked me in the eye and said very seriously: “Rina… this is a BIG DEAL.  This is your first marathon.  I don’t care how expensive it is, I want you to run the one you WANT to run.  We’ll come up with the money.”  This, from a man who is already working extra days at his current job and just recently put in an application at a place he DOESN’T want to work, just so that our children can take music lessons.  This, from a man who has supported my photography hobby (according to the books and our budget, it is still VERY much a hobby) without complaint for two years.  This man watches not only my children but Manuela’s children and occasionally Michelle’s little boy at least twice a week while I run and go on photo shoots.  He makes my running more of a priority than I do… when I don’t want to get out there and run, he’s the one who gets me out the door more often than not (often with some help from Michelle and Manuela!  It takes a village…  )  I’m so incredibly thankful for him.  He’s truly, truly amazing.

— 2 —

In hopes of boosting my energy levels for said marathon, this week I started a regimen of chlorophyll, black-strap molasses and gallons and gallons of red raspberry leaf tea (actually, I haven’t been drinking the tea, but I plan to!  Really I do!) Having discovered the link between muscle fatigue and high blood volume/low red blood cell count, it has occurred to me (actually, I think it occurred to Michelle) that if I were to start increasing my iron levels, my red blood cell count would increase.  I’m a pretty lousy supplement taker, most of my good intentions have been sitting in bottles since my last pregnancy, but I think there’s a chance I’ll stick with this.  I’m hoping this iron enhancing cocktail will act like Popeye’s trusty can of spinach and boost me out of my practically comatose state of lethargy.  We’ll see.

— 3 —

I saw the greatest picture/caption a few months ago, it made me laugh so hard, because I could SO relate to it:

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Only, now it’s not so funny.  Because that second picture?  Lately, I’m FEELING that way, too.

— 4 —

Speaking of things that I haven’t touched since my last pregnancy, I had the most wonderful bologna sandwich the other night!  (Things like this are the reason I’ve already gained ten pounds and probably have something to do with the fact that the above picture isn’t so funny anymore.)  Lately, my nutrition has been coming from less than optimal sources.  Most of my grains and proteins have been coming from microwavable pizza bites and granola bars, my vegetable servings have been coming from broccoli and cheese lean pockets, and my fruit has been coming from frozen strawberry popsicles.

— 5 —

In light of this less than stellar nutrition, Jon and I have decided to devote every Sunday to meal preparation, and Michelle, Manuela and I have decided to devote some of our Tuesday get-together’s to freezer cooking. My thought is not only to have a bunch of meals already made and in the freezer, but also to have things cut up so that they’re easy to assemble for crock pot meals.  I plan to dice carrots, peppers, onions, cut up strawberries and apples and peel oranges, etc and have all the prep work done for just about every meal we eat throughout the week.  I also plan to make lots of bread dough and freeze it so that each night I can thaw it out and every morning I can pop it in the oven.  Anything to make my life easier and reduce the chances that we’ll end up eating out is a good thing right now.

If anyone has any ideas of easy make-ahead-meals, I’d love to hear them!

— 6 —

Last night, bored and unable to sleep, I watched an episode of Hoarders on Netflix (Netflix has opened my eyes and exposed me to to all new levels of low-quality entertainment.  While I was sick, I actually watched a few episodes of Bridezilla.  I am ashamed.)  Featured in this episode was an older women who, when her children grew up and left home, simply stopped picking up after herself.  As I’m watching this and they’re showing all the trash that has accumulated all over her house, I kept thinking “OHMYGOSH, that’s ME!  That’s ME!“  I can just see my future: After years of cleaning up after 7 (or 15, who knows by then?) kids, I’m just going to STOP.  I’m never going to want to scrub another dish or take out another bag of trash or wash another pile of clothes ever, ever again.  I’ll just let it all pile up and I’ll leave little paths throughout the house so that I can walk around.  The bed, of course, will be free from clutter.

A little while ago, I unwrapped a piece of cheese, set the wrapper on the counter, and started walking away when the thought hit me “I’M ALREADY DOING IT!!!”  Five paces from the trash can, and here I am, leaving empty cheese wrappers on the kitchen counter!  Panicked, I grabbed the wrapper, threw it in the trash, and went on a 2 hour cleaning binge.  Actually, that last part isn’t true, but I did pick up my cheese wrapper and throw it in the trash.  Baby steps.

— 7 —

My kids have been listening to the most irritating CD EVER. 

I MEAN EVER.

In fact, I think I’ve blogged about it before but now I can’t find the entry.

It’s a CD of little children singing songs in Hebrew.  I don’t know any of the words, but they get stuck in my head nonetheless and I CANNOT get them out.  The worst part of it is, this is a CD we owned years ago that got broken after weeks (and weeks… and weeks) of continuous listening (by “continuous” I mean that it plays in their CD player on the “repeat” setting ALL. DAY. LONG.  That’s not an exaggeration.  They fall asleep to this music.)  I can’t tell you how happy I was when this CD bit the dust.  But then, a few weeks ago, it arrived in the mail again, courtesy of a charity we’ve supported in the past.  I begged my husband to throw it away before the kids saw it but he wouldn’t do it (“Rina, the kids love this CD.”  JON, THAT’S MY POINT!  THAT’S WHY IT HAS TO GO!!!  PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR PREGNANT WIFE’S SANITY!!!)  I’m thinking of writing this charity and offering double the amount if they’ll just promise never, EVER, to send another CD to us again.

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Running During Pregnancy … (WHY am I SO SLOW?)

Lately, running has been an exercise in extreme frustration for me.  For the past two weeks, I’ve had the more typical symptoms of pregnancy (food aversions, cravings, fatigue, etc.) so it hasn’t surprised me that I’ve been low on energy, but what has surprised me is how difficult running has been for me in other ways.  For a few weeks now, I’ve struggled to catch my breath while running (I’ve never had asthma before, but from what I’ve heard from others, I’ve been experiencing something very similar to a mild case of it) and over the past couple of runs, my legs have been incredibly tired in a way that has reminded me of my horrible 12 mile experience, when, due to inadequate water intake and horrible nutrition, my muscles simply gave out on me around mile 7.  It’s been incredibly frustrating, especially since just over a month ago I was clocking some of my fastest times and convinced I was on my way to Boston.  Okay, well, maybe not THAT fast, but I was feeling pretty proud of my 34 minute 5k!  Now, I’m doing well to average a 15 minute mile and keep from walking during a 3 mile run.  WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???

A few days ago, I decided to find out.  Following the thoughts of my friend Michelle who thought my difficulty breathing might be pregnancy related, I googled “shortness of breath first trimester” and found an excellent article that my husband (a nurse) kindly summarized for me, using small non-medical words.  In case anyone else was interested, I thought I would share his summary, here.  If you’re pregnant and experiencing shortness of breath, muscle fatigue and overall crumminess any time you have to get out of a supine position on the couch, this might be why:

The hormone progesterone (produced in high levels during pregnancy) increases a pregnant woman’s sensitivity to carbon dioxide (CO2.)  This sensitivity causes the body to work harder to expel CO2 from the system.  One of the most efficient ways our bodies expel CO2 is in the form of exhalation.  As a result, progesterone increases the rate of respiration (the number of breaths taken per minute) by up to 50% during pregnancy.

Even when just sitting on the couch, a pregnant woman will take more breaths per minute than she would if she were not pregnant.  When engaged in aerobic activity, the muscles require more oxygen, thus producing more CO2.  In order to keep these levels of CO2 low, the woman’s respiratory rate increases even further.  This can cause extremely rapid breathing as the body struggles to blow off the increased levels of CO2 caused by exercise. 

Another change caused by progesterone in the expecting mother’s body is the increase in blood volume.  As previously mentioned, when engaged in aerobic exercise, the muscles need more oxygen.  Oxygen is carried to the muscles by hemoglobin, present inside the red blood cells.  During a pregnancy, blood volume levels rise and the number of red blood cells per unit drops.  You can think of it like salt water.  If you take a tablespoon of salt and put it in a cup of water, the water will taste salty.  Add a gallon of water and the water tastes less salty, even though the same amount of salt is present.  Similarly, when pregnant, progesterone raises the amount of plasma (the liquid content of the blood), thus diluting the red blood cell count and causing hemoglobin concentration to fall (this is why many pregnant women struggle with anemia.)  In this diluted state, muscles are not getting the amounts of oxygen they were before the rise of progesterone levels.  This decreases muscle function and leads to early fatigue.

In many ways, the newly pregnant athlete is experiencing changes in her body that affect her in a way very similar to the changes experienced when an out-of-shape person first begins to exercise.  Her muscles are fatigued from the dilution of red blood cells (which decreases the amount of oxygen reaching her muscles) and she experiences shortness of breath and increased respiratory rate due to the increased levels of progesterone.  Consequently, her performance may diminish.

I’m not discouraged.  The way I figure it, this will be excellent conditioning!  Jon’s theory is that the more running (shuffling) I do in my current oxygen-depleted state, the more efficient my muscles will become.  I also read somewhere that as a result of the heart muscles pumping more blood, exercise during pregnancy can assist in improving the cardiovascular system.  So although I may barely scrape by under the time limit for the Flying Pig Marathon in May, by this time next year I’ll be ready to breeze through a 100 mile ultra.  Or at least run a slightly faster marathon.  One or the other.

I’m reminded of something I wrote after my horrible 12 mile run (I love the fact that blogging allows me to look back and be encouraged by lessons I’ve learned in the past, long after I’ve forgotten them.  Another reason why I blog.)…

There is no failure in this journey.  Every single run, whether it’s a 15 minute run, or a 20 minute run/walk, or a personal record setting sprint, is an achievement.  Every single time I get out there and go the distance, I’ve accomplished something.

Amen to that.  Borrowing a line from John Bingham:

Waddle on!

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Categories: Running, Running through Pregnancy

Seven Quick Takes – Jan 6, 2012

— 1 —

Please bear with me while I brag on my children for a little bit… For the past five days, I’ve been sick with the stomach flu.  For three of those days, my husband wasn’t home so the kids and I were left to fend for ourselves.  And for those three days, my kids took care of everything.  The older three got the baby up each day, fed her, dressed her, put her down for naps, and changed all her diapers – they even gave her a bath.  They made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone (it helped that Jon had already made some meals that the girls just had to heat up), and helped the boys with anything they needed.  All the kids did their chores and played nicely with each other, giving me three days of rest.  I didn’t ask them to do any of this (with the exception of doing their chores) they did it because they knew I wasn’t feeling well and they wanted to help.  I have awesome kids!

— 2 —

Speaking of my awesome kids, I thought it might be fun to give you a little glimpse into some of their personalities…

I’ve been running with the older girls for a few weeks now (with the exception of this week) and last week, I took them for a two mile run up and down our road.  It went something like this:

First 50 seconds:

Momma: Feeling a weeks worth of horrible food choices sloshing around in my belly.  Not looking forward to two miles of this.
Bunchkin: (10 year old): Having fun, chatting with Bundle, just along for the ride
Bundle: Breathing a little heavily, not talking quite as much
Bitty: “Momma, you run really slow.  Why do you run so slow?”

After a mile:

Momma: Tummy hurts.  Feet hurt.  Chest hurts.  Breathing heavily.  Ready to quit.
Bunchkin: Pained expression on her face, but says she’s okay.
Bundle: Alternating between running and walking, just trying to keep up.
Bitty: “Momma, can I run ahead of you?  Just to that sign?”

After a mile and a half:

Momma: Having a dialogue in my head in which I remind myself that the half marathon is MY goal… therefore, I am under no obligation to follow through with that goal.  Pretty sure this is the last two miles I’ll ever run again.
Bunchkin: Stops running because her knees are hurting
Bundle: Stops running because she’s exhausted
Bitty: “Look Momma, I’m jumping over all the water spots in the road.  See?  I’m jumping over this one, and this one, and this one…  Can I run ahead of you?  Just to that house?”

When I got home, I told Jon that next time, HE was running with Bitty.  I’ll take the older two, I can’t keep up with the youngest!

— 3 —

I watched a really awesome movie while I was sick, called Without Limits.  It’s the story of Steve Prefontaine who was one of the greatest American distance runners of all time.  One of the things Prefontaine was famous for was going out early in a race and holding the lead.  Apparently, it’s easier to hang back and stay with the rest of the runners until the end, but in order to do that, Steve would have had to run slower than he could.  He knew he might win more races that way, but he felt that to win races but not give it his all was a cowards way out.  He’s quoted as saying: “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”  It’s a great story, and I’m looking forward to reading more about him.  (Warning: there is some sexual content and language in the movie.)

— 4 —

I’m sure after I post this, I’ll think of seventeen more things I could have written about, but that’s all I’ve got for now.  Have a great weekend, everyone!

— 5 —

— 6 —

— 7 —

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Perfect Little Models

This was one of the more adventurous sessions Manuela and I have done with children this age (1 year)… it was cold and rainy during our session, so we found a place to photograph under a canopy that connected an alley of little stores.  We parked the cars close and in-between shots, Mom and Dad would take the kids back to the car to let the kids warm up and then bring them back out again for a few more shots.  Before the session started, Manuela and I were thinking up different ways we could keep them still enough to get a few pictures of them together (considering their ages), and we figured the cold and rain might make it tough to keep them happy, but these two really surprised us!  They sat wherever we put them and hardly moved except to smile at momma and daddy and big brother who were great about standing behind our cameras and playing “peek-a-boo.”  Here are a few of our favorites from this session…

Seven Quick Takes – December 30, 2011

— 1 —

This semester, FOUR of my children are going to be playing a stringed instrument through the WKU Pre-College Strings Program!  Words can’t express what an amazing experience this has been for my kids, we’re so excited to be able to enroll three more of our kids this semester – we’ll have three on the violin and one on cello.  We picked the other two instruments up today (we’d already been renting two) and tonight everyone was playing (or trying to play) at once.  I can’t begin to describe the noise, but the smiles and the giggles were well worth the damage to my ear drums.  We’re starting to look like (if not sound like) a Von Trap Family of Stringed Instruments. 

— 2 —

Although I’m excited about having four of the kids in lessons, I’m a little nervous about it, too.  In the beginning, it will be very important for me to watch them as they practice and help correct little mistakes that can set them up for bad habits in the future… how I’m going to manage practicing each day with four kids plus homeschooling plus everything else I have going on is a little beyond me.  Thankfully, the teachers in the program are extremely supportive, so although the kids may go slow in the beginning, I have every confidence that they’ll catch up.  Especially when they have a genius for a mother.  The other night, I came up with a brilliant way to help my oldest daughter keep her bow straight without Mommy standing over her, so that she could practice on her own…

I’m pretty sure not a single one of her teachers would recommend this, but she’s been practicing for the last hour all by herself so she’s pretty happy with Momma’s ingenuity right now. 

— 3 —

Speaking of violin and the Pre-College Strings Program, I recently found out something that really touched my heart regarding a recent concert Bitty was a part of, held at Ashely’s Furniture Store in Bowling Green .  A facebook post from one of the parents in the program:

According to the manager, the employees there worked for months planning this annual event to host families in need for a meal and visit from Santa complete with gifts for each child. They do this instead of having an office party for themselves.

How incredible is that???

— 4 —

I’ve had a few people ask how the pregnancy is going, and I’ve been bragging about how I’ve had NO nausea and NO cravings and I haven’t been at all sleepy and everything has just been perfect and lovely and wonderful (aside from the fact that I can’t remember anything) and I can’t believe what a difference the running and weight loss has made and…. and… and…

Hello, welcome to Rina’s Pregnancy, week 4 (or 5?  I really have no idea.  When you’re pregnant with your seventh, you just don’t keep up with the days of gestation the way you used to.)  Anyway, this week has featured me sitting on the couch, eating pop-tars and falling asleep while reading books about ultramarathons.  My great plan for controlling my weight during this pregnancy was “just eat when you’re hungry!” and I’ve been wondering how many calories it would take to maintain my weight considering an exercise program of (roughly) 20 miles a week while nursing an (almost) 2 year old while pregnant with another.  If this week is any indicator, that number is somewhere close to 5,386,124 calories per day.

— 5 —

Wait, did I say “maintain” my weight?  In that case, the number should probably be slightly lower, since I’ve gained about 5lbs in the last week and my stomach makes me look as if I’m in the second trimester instead of barely a month into my first.  The pins I’ve been using to keep my too-large skirts in place?  No longer necessary.

— 6 —

Speaking of eating about a billion calories… the other day I posted the following on facebook:

Could someone please come by and bring me a poptart? You can’t stay and visit, i’m grumpy and i’m tired (and I’m still in my pajamas.) But if u could just drop a poptart off at my front door, that would be great.

I was totally kidding when I wrote it, I just thought it was a funny way to express how I’ve been feeling, lately (tired, grumpy, hungry.)  In fact, I purposefully made sure that neither Manuela nor Michelle were going to be checking their facebook statuses that day (I wrote it on Christmas, knowing that both of them would be visiting with their families), because I know they’re both crazy enough (and love me enough) to have brought some to me!  Nevertheless, about 15 minutes later, these arrived on my front porch:

Apparently, another of my crazy loving friends saw my post and contacted another friend who lives close by (Joy from Candlelight Cottage) who happened to have a stash of poptarts in her house.  Poor thing didn’t even stay to visit, thanks to my snarky post (although she says it’s because she had dinner waiting for her.)  That’ll teach me to be careful what I write on facebook!

— 7 —

I shared some with the kids, ate about four of them, and hoarded the rest for the next day.  When my husband came home, he went to eat one and was met by sneering, slobbering Pregnant Rina who told him in no uncertain terms that he was NOT to come between a pregnant woman and her only source of sugar.  Needless to say, he backed off and came home with a bag of Jolly Ranchers (for me, not him) the next night.

That’s how my pregnancy is going, so far. 

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!