7 Quick Takes – Creating a play room and revamping the school room… and everything else!

— 1 —

For years, I’ve been looking forward to building my own home.  I’ve drawn up plans, made lists of ideas, and poured over books on the subject.  Our space just HASN’T been working for us, and I’ve been looking forward to designing a space that would.  Last week, I had a photo shoot with a friend, Amber, whom I met through Manuela, and seeing her house was like having one huge “AH-HAH!” moment for me!  I came away with so many organizational ideas and that night, the older girls and I stayed up until way-too-late-o’clock moving things around and re-doing our living room and kitchen space.  It started out with the most ridiculously simple idea I’ve ever seen, but never would have thought of for myself…

— 2 —

The Living Room:

The BIGGEST, most important thing on my “build a house” list is that I want a play room right off the living room.  This is hugely important to me, because we’ve found that the best way to keep down clutter in the rest of the house is to keep all the kid’s toys in the living room.  Works great for keeping the bedrooms clean, but the living room is always a wreck.  For years, I’ve been wanting a space for the kids to play in, but it never occurred to me that the solution was right in front of my nose until I saw the setup at Amber’s… Her couch was moved AWAY from the wall and placed at an angle to create space behind it for a play area.  Genius!!!

I don’t have a “before” picture, but here are some “afters”…

Facing the front door (the kid’s clothes are laid out on the loveseat for violin lessons):

Facing the fireplace and play area:

Facing the right side of the play area, there is enough room here to eventually add a small activity table:

Facing the left side of the play area:

Eventually, I’d like to get some of these shelves to organize the toys behind the couch a little better:

but for now the toys behind the couch are in large tupperware bins and others are in this shelf, tagged according to what’s inside:

One of my favorite things I put up in this play area is this:

This was originally posted here and the basic idea is that when the kids need me they can clip one of these to my shirt.  Normally, I don’t mind being interrupted and I can usually answer them pretty quickly, but there are times (when I’m on the phone, for instance) that they’ll need to wait for an answer.  During these times, they can grab their clip, attach it to me, and know that I will get to them as soon as I can.  LOVE IT!!!

— 3 —

The Kitchen:

The other daily irritation in my life has been our kitchen.  Several years ago, we were blessed with a very nice kitchen table from my Mother in Law, and two beautiful curio cabinets.  The table is large and, sandwiched between the two cabinets, it’s difficult to maneuver around each day (which I have to do in order to get to the school stuff, located inside the curio’s.)  I’ve been reluctant to part with the cabinets, and we haven’t been able to purchase a smaller table (besides the fact that we really NEED the large table!) so we’ve just been stuck.  Well, the living room set-up at Amber’s house made me consider: why is my kitchen table in the middle of the eating area, anyway?  Why couldn’t I move IT to the side, like the couch?  Again, no “before” pictures (I really wish I had some, because our kitchen was a wreck), but here are some “afters”:

The table now sits to the SIDE of the room, and is in front of the two cabinets, rather than between them.  The bookshelf with all the tupperware containers is new – I just moved it from the kids room (we wouldn’t have had room for it, before, and all the kids books are now on the shelf in the living room) and we just hung the hanging sorter on the wall.

Here is our brand-new school area…

— 4 —

The School Room 

This is the “during school ONLY” side of the kitchen – everything here is completely off-limits to the kids except during school time:

(Need to fix the handles on the cabinets!!!)

The bins are part of our new workbox system (we’re using a method similar to this with activity cards I printed from here) and almost everything was done utilizing things we already had on-hand.

This is the cabinet that is accessible to the kids whenever they want to draw or do an art project.

My favorite part of the new school area: The hanging sorter, a $6 hanging shoe organizer from Wal-Mart and another idea from Amber:

We have another one in the kids room for things like socks and headcoverings, and we’ll eventually get another one for the hall closet to organize things like gloves and hats, and one for the kid-accessible side of the kitchen but we’ll need to build up our supplies, first.  This one is perfect for the school supplies – it keeps them all right where I can see them at a glance, I don’t have to go digging through drawers for anything, and I can quickly access when we’re running low on supplies.  LOVE IT!!!

— 5 —

Of course, the organizing didn’t stop there.  How could it?!  I was on a roll!    I completely re-vamped my husband’s desk, the girl’s closet, my photography area, and cleaned out our hall closet and emptied an entire dresser and several drawers in another dresser (what am I going to do with all this extra SPACE??!!)  I also gave each of the girls a “keepsake” box for all the special artwork and note cards they want to keep that were previously just floating all over their bedrooms.  It feels SO GOOD to have places for all these things that were previously everywhere and anywhere!  I’ve mentioned before that I’m not exactly skilled in the art of organization, but seeing Amber’s house and getting ideas from her really gave me the push in the right direction I needed to figure out new ways to utilize our space!  It also helped me not be afraid  to think outside of the box and move things around in ways I wouldn’t have thought of before.

— 6 —

So now, as my husband said, it’s like we’re living in a classroom (or a daycare!) And the funny thing is, I’m LOVING that!  I think I’ve resisted a lot of changes I could have made before because I thought it would make my house look cluttered and unsophisticated (I think I’ve always had this “better homes and gardens” ideal in my head, which would probably be really funny to anyone who has ever actually SEEN my house with it’s easter egg paint job in the front of the house, dark brown and bright red carpets in the back of the house, and nary a matching towel or linen set to be found anywhere throughout!)  Nevertheless, I’m THRILLED with the way things are right now, and thrilled with the way my husband and kids have responded to it!

— 7 —

Something my daughter said last night kind of sums it up.  She said: “it feels like we have a HOUSE now!”  My children (who don’t really do art work all that often) spent almost an hour last night coloring at the kitchen table.  I was talking to Jon about them all sitting and coloring together and musing over whether it’s because things are organized now, and my oldest piped up and said “yea, I always felt like everything was everywhere so I never really wanted to get it all out and do anything with it.” 

I was writing to Amber last night, telling her about all the changes and said:

In a way, I’ve always felt a little lost when it comes to homeschooling not so much for lack of ideas but just because I didn’t know how to MANAGE anything (i.e. “stuff.”) When you asked me if I wanted the things you were passing along and I said I didn’t because I didn’t have any place to put them, that’s kind of been how everything has been for me… I didn’t have a place to keep [things] where they wouldn’t get destroyed, and I didn’t have anything in place to say “okay, this is just for craft time, and during craft time X and Y and Z happens and after craft time, A and B and C happens” in order to keep our stuff organized and in nice condition, etc. It just completely overwhelmed me ALL of the time.

I feel that it’s a little too early to say this, but I’ll say it anyway… the Getting Things Done book has really changed my life!  Had I visited Amber’s house a year ago, I don’t think that anything in my life would have changed, because the steps involved to change things would have seemed too overwhelming.  Now, they’re just part of the system, and all my ideas for more household changes and more homeschool activities and more craft ideas are getting filed away in my little folders and slowly but surely we’re getting it done!

Think it’s safe to say I’m “nesting?”

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For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

There’s a Lesson to be Learned Here

It’s 5:00 in the morning, I can’t sleep and I just read something funny from Jenn at Conversion Diary that I had to share.  These are from her “7 Quick Takes“:

— 3 —

My dad told me a crazy story the other day: One time a friend of his named Bob was camping out on a ranch in West Texas. Bob and a buddy had seen a huge rattlesnake while they were out that day, but left it alone. At dusk they found a place to sleep and got in their sleeping bags. The next morning, Bob woke up to realize that there was a very large snake in his sleeping bag, down at his feet. That’s right. I said “WOKE UP TO A SNAKE AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS SLEEPING BAG.”

Let’s pause there for a moment and think about that: You wake up. You feel a huge snake at your feet. You think it could very well be a rattlesnake. You’re not anywhere near a place where you could get medical attention. And you know that if you try to get out of the sleeping bag the snake will likely get spooked and bite you. How do you get out of that situation? Think about what you would do, and I’ll tell you his friend’s clever solution in take #7.

— 7 —

The answer from #3: Bob got his friend’s attention — painstakingly, since he had to avoid, you know, moving or breathing or otherwise doing anything that might upset the snake. He told his friend to build a fire right next to the sleeping bag. Once the fire was going, Bob gently pulled open the top of his sleeping bag and had his friend fan smoke inside (just about suffocating as he tried not to cough). It worked. The snake got irritated by the smoke and came slithering out. And it turned out not to be a rattlesnake after all.

So, the moral of the story is: This is what happens when you leave the house. First you think it’s a good idea to take a walk, then you get adventurous and start riding bikes places, then camping starts to sound fun, and, long story short, you end up trapped in bags with poisonous reptiles. People like me never have to deal with that, because we are smart enough to stay indoors at all times. Next time someone suggests that I get out a little more often, I now have a reply that will render all their arguments invalid: Snake in sleeping bag.

“Jen, do you want to go camping with – ?” SNAKE IN SLEEPING BAG. “But don’t you want to go on the hike to – ?” SNAKE IN SLEEPING BAG. “Shouldn’t you at least go to the grocery store for – ?” SNAKE IN SLEEPING BAG!!!

Haha!  I’m normally something of a homebody and I DO. NOT. LIKE. camping… or being outdoors, in general.  Especially at night, and especially in the woods at night.  Just loved her “moral of the story!”

“Just Wait Until They’re Teens…” I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy it.

It seems that the above sentiment has been popping up from friends and family more and more often, as my children get older.  I’m amazed at the number of people who are convinced that the teenage years are necessarily fought with anger and rebellion.  I’m amazed at the wide-spread belief that there is some kind of unavoidable twighlight zone between the ages of 12 and 20 that changes formerly kind, loving and obedient children into rabid adolescents.

Sorry, but I just don’t buy it!

Granted, I haven’t entered the teenage years with my children and I’m speaking from absolutely zero personal experience.  But I am relying on the experiences of Godly mothers I know whose children, now Godly adults, never entered this teenage twighlight zone of rebellion.  I’m relying on history as I see it played out before the existence of the word and concept “teenager.” And I’m relying on a bible passage that tells me that if I raise my children the way they should go “they will not part from it” (Proverbs 22:6.)

Only relatively recently in history have we come to understand the years between 12 and 20 as something in-between childhood and adulthood.  “The earlier onset of puberty, compulsory education through age eighteen, the higher average age of marriage and child labor laws that prohibited children from the workplace all contributed to the development of adolescence as a defined stage of maturation that separates childhood and adulthood in the modern world. (To read the full article, click here.)”

I look through history, and it’s hard to imagine teens from centuries past as cranky, rebellious, and lazy.  It’s hard to imagine Lara Ingalls slamming the door in her mothers face, or George Washington cursing at his dad.  In the 1700′s, so-called “children” were allowed to join the British Navy at age 11 and were often captains of their own ships by the age of 20.  Up until the 1900′s, girls were usually married and running their own homes by the age of 16.  Alexander the Great founded his first colony at age 16, John Quincy Adams was made ambassador to Russia at age 14 and Joan of Arc led the French army to several important victories before the age of 19.  Are these extraordinary examples?  I don’t think so.  I think they reflect a society and a parental outlook that sees two stages of development (childhood and adulthood), rather than three (or four, if you include the years now commonly referred to as “tweens.”)  I think it reflects parents who were willing to move comfortably from authority figure to peer, and a society who embraced and supported those in their “teenage” years as adults.

Teenagers today are treated like children, and they often view themselves as children, rather than as young adults with the potential to do great things. They often see themselves and are seen by others as dependent consumers, rather than creative producers, so they seek fulfillment in consumption rather than achievement.

Edward Eggleston drew a similar conclusion in 1900 as he explained the reasons for American superiority in the world. He observed that first generation Americans were still crippled by their habits of dependency learned in Europe, but American young people, freed from the European social system, were free to thrive. At the age of 7, he said, Americans begin growing up.

Alexis de Tocqueville agreed. In his 1839 book, Democracy in America , he observed that “In America there is strictly speaking no adolescence. At the close of boyhood, the man appears.” In old America, teenagers were treated as powerful individuals with great potential. Those that viewed themselves the same way did great things…

Scientist Robert Epstein, author of Teen 2.0 and former editor of Psychology Today , believes that adolescence is a modern phenomenon that comes from treating teenagers like children:

” In 1991 anthropologist Alice Schlegel of the University of Arizona and psychologist Herbert Barry III of the University of Pittsburgh reviewed research on teens in 186 preindustrial societies. Among the important conclusions they drew about these societies: about 60 percent had no word for “adolescence,” teens spent almost all their time with adults, teens showed almost no signs of psychopathology, and antisocial behavior in young males was completely absent in more than half these cultures and extremely mild in cultures in which it did occur.” (To read the full article, click here)

It is my opinion that the modern day phenomenon of teenage rebellion exists in part because we’re holding young-adults back and keeping them in limbo between childhood and adulthood far beyond what is necessary or beneficial.  We’re encouraging young adults to play sports, go to prom, make friends, see the latest movie and do all they can to enjoy their “teenage years” while delaying any semblance of adult responsibility for as long as possible.   Further, as the desire comes upon them to start making their own decisions and feeling their own way out in life, we’re not willing to move from a parental role to a peer role when it is most necessary… we’re trusting our authority to guide these young adults rather than the relationships we’ve established with them during their formative years (if we’ve managed to establish a relationship with them at all.)  Perhaps most importantly, I believe that teenage rebellion exists because we have come to expect teenage rebellion.  There is something to the old saying “you get what you expect.”

If we expect our kids to rebel as teenagers, it’s easy to let what was once a solid relationship with our children slip as they get older because we think that’s just the way it’s “supposed” to be.  We sense them pulling back, becoming distant, and rather than seek out their hearts and make efforts to strengthen our relationships with them, we assume this is “just a phase.”  We find them questioning what they’ve never questioned before and rather than draw them into a conversation and allow them to make their own decisions (hopefully with a great deal of desired and trustworthy input from us) we force our will upon them just at the time when they need guidance rather than dictatorship, at the time when it’s most important for them to come to their own conclusions and understandings.  We’ve bought into the notion that teenage rebellion simply can’t be helped, and that the odds are against our children staying on the right path, and remaining close to us.

I’m sorry, but I refuse to buy into what this culture has to say about my child’s development.  God hasn’t given me any reason to believe that rebellion, anger, disrespect, and defiance are necessary or unavoidable for the growth and well being of my children.  God hasn’t given me any reason to expect them to reject their parents values or walk away from all we have and will teach them.  American culture has presented its case against my children, and I’m simply not willing to listen.

Proverbs 22:6 tells me that if I raise my children in the way they should go, they will not part from it.  I believe it.  Many Fundamentalist Christians, who will argue to their last breath that the world was created in a literal seven days, will hem and haw over this verse, explaining that it actually means that the child will come back to God when they’re adults (not what it says.)  Or, that parents can train the children in the right way, but somehow the child just doesn’t receive that training (also not what it says.)  Or they’ll say that we just don’t have control over the way our children are raised (sorry, don’t buy that, either… the amount of control we have over how our children are raised equals exactly the amount of control we choose to have during their childhood years.)  As for myself, I believe that verse of the bible means exactly what it says – more than I believe (or care) how many days it took to make the world or whether dinosaurs were actually on the ark.  I believe that God is more concerned with my children’s well-being than I am, and that He WILL show me how to “raise my children in the way they should go.”  It’s not a popular position, but I think many people I know would be better served (or would have been better served) to believe and expect God to help them keep their children on the right path than to assume their children are destined for rebellion and resign themselves, and their children, to that fate.

A friend recently told me of a conversation she had with her young adult as they were talking about the so-called “teenage years” and what everyone warned her to expect.  She said to her daughter:

“I don’t know what they’ve all been talking about, I’m LOVING you as a teenager!  This has been my favorite age with you yet!”

THAT sums up the expectations I have of the years ahead with my children.  THAT is what I’m looking forward to.

Jordan

This session was awesome in so many ways, not the least of which included a handsome young musician following Manuela and I around, serenading us for a few hours while we took pictures.  Do we have the best job, or what? 

Jordan is an incredibly talented violist whom I met through the Pre-College Strings program at Western Kentucky University.  He plays for the Symphony at WKU and is currently the only performance art strings major enrolled at Western.  When Jordan asked me to take some pictures incorporating the viola into the session, I was thrilled… musicians are some of my favorite people to photograph, and I’ve been hoping I might get an opportunity to do a session like this since my daughter started lessons!  Thanks, Jordan, for allowing me to be a part of this special portrait session!

Here is your “sneak peek,” and I look forward to showing you the rest, soon:

PS.  I feel I’d be remiss if I didn’t answer the question many of you might be asking after seeing these pictures: “What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?”  Most people I know are somewhat familiar with the violin and the cello, but less so with the viola and the bass.  I don’t know everything about the stringed instruments, but I can say that the basic difference between a violin and a viola is that A. the viola is bigger and has a deeper sound than the violin, and B. the viola has different strings than the violin (A, D, G, C, as opposed to E, A, D, G.)  I also know (thanks to Jordan) that the viola plays the same notes as the cello, but at an octave higher than the cello.  In an orchestra, the viola is considered the tenor of the strings section and usually plays harmony.  Just in case you’re ever on a game show, and basic viola knowledge is needed to answer the million dollar question. 

If you’re wondering about the difference between the cello and the bass, I can’t help you, except to say that the bass is bigger, presumably has different strings, and is played in bluegrass music much more often than the cello or viola. I know this because my husband made us watch just about every You Tube rendition of “Boil ‘em Cabbage Down” he could find after my daughter learned to play it on the cello… none of which actually featured that song being played on a cello.  I’m pretty sure none of them featured a viola, either.    (This is my favorite, by the way: The Duttons–Boil ‘Em Cabbage Down)

Oh – and while I’m on the subject of million dollar stringed instrument questions… The difference between a fiddle and a violin is primarily what types of songs are played on it…   the violin sounds much, MUCH better. 

Take off your mommy goggles! (How to find a great photographer)

There are a LOT of people who have digital cameras right now who want to start their own photography business, or make extra money taking pictures.  I think this is WONDERFUL, and I believe it can only help the industry in the long run.  But I also think that consumers should beware.  The affordability of digital cameras has led to an influx of amateur photographers who are offering their services for cheap – really cheap!  And for the unsuspecting client who goes on pricing alone to determine who should document their precious memories, cheap may sound really good!  But cheap isn’t always – or even usually – the best.

I love what this photographer has to say:

“Let’s pretend you’re a mom with a 3 month old baby, and we meet.  You’ve got your baby with you, and I comment on how adorable he is.  You smile with pride.  You tell me that you took him to a photographer for his newborn pictures, and excitedly offer to show me.  I say I’d love to see them.  You pull out a few prints and hand them over, all smiles.

It so happens that the pictures you had done are, well, not good.  Not good at all.  As a Professional Photographer, I easily spot a lot of things that you wouldn’t see on images coming out of my studio.

What I say to you: “Your baby is adorable!”

What I want to say to you: “I wish I could get you to take off your mommy goggles. Your baby is adorable, but these images are awful…. You love them because you love your baby, and you’re looking at the images through your mommy goggles.  I wish you could see that they are horribly underexposed.  I wish I could make you understand that none of them are even in focus.  Your baby is posed awkwardly and looks really uncomfortable, and the angle from which the ‘photographer’ took the picture is not flattering.  This is drugstore printing too, these are not good quality images and won‘t stand the test of time.  I’m really sad that these are the only images you will have of him as a newborn, because I see him sitting there on your lap and he’s beautiful – and the images are not.  I think it’s a shame.”

I don’t think there is anything wrong with amateur photographers offering cheap pictures.  We all have to start somewhere, and in my opinion one of the best ways to learn is to get out there and take pictures of everyone we can!  But if you’re a mom or dad who wants something special out of your photography session – if you want portraits of your loved ones that will look beautiful on your walls and stand the test of time – be sure that you judge the photographers work, and not just their price list. Check out the portfolios of the photographers you’re considering.  Ask to see past work from a similar session.  Call and interview the photographers you’re considering to find out how much experience they have.  Meet them in person to get a feel for more than just their portfolio and price list.  How often do they photograph seniors?  How well do they interact with children?  How comfortable are they with babies?  Read the articles listed as links at the bottom of the page, all of which were written to help consumers find an excellent photographer.

Above all, consider your reasons for having pictures taken.  I spent years taking my kids to the Wal-Mart portrait studio and am still perfectly happy with the pictures I got there… they were great for wallets and gifts to give to family members… but not one of them hangs on my wall.  Do you just want a “good picture” to put inside your wallet, or give to Grandma on her birthday?  Or do you want a canvas of your precious little girl to display above your fireplace?  Sometimes, price should be the first consideration, and sometimes it should be the last.

If you need a cheap photographer, there are many out there!  And if you like the work they’ve done in the past (which should be presented somewhere, on a website, a blog, or some type of online gallery), then by all means, hire them!  Just be aware that, as with anything else, photographers come with different levels of experience and different skill sets.  I haven’t been in this business nearly as long as some of the other photographers in the Bowling Green, KY area.  I don’t have nearly the experience with, say, family portraits, that other photographers here have.  I might not be the cheapest photographer in Bowling Green, nor am I the most expensive, but that isn’t always the best way to determine who to hire.  Take a look at my website, take a look at theirs.  Give us a call, or arrange some interviews, then hire the person who you think best able to capture your special memories the way you want them to be captured.

Here are some links to help you find a great photographer:

Judging Photographer’s Websites

What is a Fauxtographer?

About Pricing

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PS.  If you visit the links above, you may notice that I’m not listed on her photography registry.  There are a few reasons for this… First, I haven’t been in business for three complete years (I’m going on my third year now), therefore I don’t have the experience she deems necessary to be considered a professional on her registry (take that into account when considering who to hire!)  Secondly, my pricing for digital files is less than what she deems necessary so as not to undercut the industry.  Since I don’t work primarily off of digital files, my lower pricing works for me for the time being. Third, I’m not actively looking to attract more business at this time.  I have an excellent client base with people I absolutely love, and am accepting most new business by referral.  The wonderful people I’ve photographed over the last few years keep me more than busy enough for now!

WFMW – Getting It ALL Done!

“I don’t think your lazy.  I think a lot of what you call laziness is you feeling overwhelmed.”

This week, I made some phone calls that I’ve been putting off – literally – for years and others that I’ve been putting off for months.  I estimate that had I made some of these phone calls sooner, we could have saved over $200 over the last few months.  But day after day went by, and I never made the phone calls.  Why?  It’s because I’d either think of it when I was in the middle of doing something else, or because when I did have the time I was so overwhelmed with everything else that needed to be done, that I didn’t want to take the time to make the calls.  Not that I was doing the other things that needed to be done.  Most of the time, I was just thinking of all the things that needed to be done and feeling so overwhelmed that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything.  When my friend Patrick made the statement about me being overwhelmed rather than lazy, I knew it to be 100% true (well, okay, 85% true), although I’d never thought of it that way before.  I told him that I always felt I was trying to juggle twenty balls in the air at once.  One of them would fall, and I’d go on with 19.  Then another would fall, and I’d keep going.  Then another, then another, until finally I’d get so overwhelmed that I’d just throw them all across the room, close my eyes, hide my head in my hands, and try not to think about all those balls still waiting for me to pick them up again.

For years, I’ve escaped in books or movies or even photography.  I’d hide out behind the pages of a book and do the minimum amount required just to keep the house going and forget the rest of it.  I didn’t have any idea how stressed (and, to be honest, somewhat miserable,) I was until the stress was gone… until I found a way to get all the daily, constant thoughts about what needed to be done out of my head and into a manageable system.

Enter the book I’ve bee raving about to all my friend’s lately: Getting Things Done, the Art of Stress-Free Productivity.  I’ve tried other time/household management systems (flylady, for instance) but where I think they’ve all fallen short for me is that they only deal with one aspect of my life and don’t address others.  Furthermore, I used them in such a way that it made me feel as if things had to get done on a certain day and when they didn’t get done on that day, I felt like a failure.  I don’t do failure well, so it wasn’t long before I’d chuck the system altogether.

Where the strength of the system outlined in this book shines for me is that it deals with everything – literally everything – in my life.  Every single thought that I have about something that needs to be done, or something I want to buy, or something I want to do, etc. gets processed in an external system that ensures it will get done eventually, or stays fresh in my mind until I decide it isn’t important enough to get done, or until circumstances prevent it from being done (i.e. we may never save up enough to buy that shiny red corvette.  )  It’s all out of my head and I don’t have to think about it anymore.

Another great thing is that the system outlined in this book ensures that only things that must be done on certain days are processed as things that must be done on certain days.  So although I want to make a fresh loaf of bread every day, and do a certain school project with the kids each Monday, if I don’t get around to it, I just file it for another day and it’s off my mind again – no feelings of failure attached!

That isn’t to say there isn’t work involved in getting the system in place – there is quite a bit of work in the beginning and when I was first reading the book I really thought it was going to make things more stressful, not less.  I decided to try it out, anyway, and for a few days, I thought my head would explode if I had ONE MORE THOUGHT about something that I needed to/wanted to get done.  But when you figure I was writing down over ten years worth of thoughts I’ve accumulated since my marriage, it’s no wonder my hand was cramping by the end of each night!  And all that stuff has been in my head!!!  For years!  It’s no wonder I did anything I could to turn my brain off and escape from the world!  Setting the system up also required tools that were non-negotiable.  I had to purchase a good (i.e. heavy duty, easy to open and close) filing cabinet and an electronic labeler, for instance.  Having set everything up, I now see why things as seemingly insignificant as these make all the difference in the world.

I’m almost a week into things now, and it’s becoming ridiculously easy to maintain this system.  All it requires now is that I keep a piece of paper and a pen with me at all times (I ordered a notebook necklace from etsy and plan to wear it around the house, along with a pen clipped to it so I don’t have to worry about keeping track of it) and write everything down!  Two or three times a day, I’ll go through the list and file everything away into one of six categories in my files (explained in the book.)  As I get the time during the day, I’ll check out those files and, depending on how much time I have (and how much energy I have), I’ll grab a file and get working on the things it contains (i.e. phone calls to make, computer work that needs to be done, cleaning/cooking I need to do, etc.)

It’s hard to convey what a difference this has made in my life, already.  After just a week, I feel that a huge HUGE burden I’ve been carrying around for years has been lifted.  Just to have all those thoughts out of my head has been worth every single penny I spent on that filing cabinet – a hundred times over.  I told my husband yesterday that the house feels cleaner to me.  It’s not actually cleaner, but just knowing that I have something in place that is going to help me keep up with and get everything done makes the things that are not yet done seem… (I’m searching for the right word here… not insignificant, because I still want to get them done, but they don’t have the same level of importance or stress attached to them as they did.  Because I know I have a plan in place to ensure that they will get done, I don’t have to worry about the fact that they’re not yet done.)

I really can’t recommend this book highly enough to anyone.  Even my husband, who has no desire whatsoever to implement this system as a whole, has gleaned some things from it and will be setting up a small-scale version of one of the filing systems (and I think he’ll eventually want to implement the whole thing, once he sees how helpful implementing part of it is!)

Oh – and for those of you who are waiting for me to get things done for you, or bring things to you (that book I borrowed several months ago and just recently found in a drawer and realized I never returned!!!)… I can now confidently say that I’m working on it and I should have it to you soon!!!

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(For more great tips on just about every subject, visit Works for me Wednesday)

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Category:

Works for me Wednesday

Home Again

Several months ago, while training for the half marathon and during one of our busiest photography seasons, I found myself repeatedly confronted by the image of what I thought a good mother was supposed to look like.  According to my ideal, she was always home with her children, never (or rarely) left them with someone else to care for them, didn’t have any hobbies or interests that took her outside of the home (or, at least, didn’t have very many.)  I looked at the way my life used to be, home with my children, rarely ever going out to visit friends or having people over, pretty much cloistered away from others (I don’t mean we didn’t have friends, but that we saw them occasionally rather than frequently) and the way my life was now and there was such a huge difference I didn’t know what to think about it!

I found myself wondering: were the convictions I used to hold true for me anymore?  Were they ever my convictions in the first place, or had I adopted them from others who believed that a good mommy was one who did X and Y and Z?

I spoke to my husband about it, and he encouraged me to continue training for my marathon and pursuing my photography business.  I spoke to friends who encouraged the same.  In my heart, I felt I was doing the right thing (and still feel that I was, at the time, during that season of my life.)  But looking back, having cancelled my marathon training and pulled back from the extra activities that were keeping me away from home so often, I’ve discovered something… Somewhere along the way, I developed my own beliefs regarding what being a “good mother” looks like for me.*  I look at my kids who are so happy to have Momma back home – who are already shedding some of the bad habits and attitudes I’ve allowed to develop over the past few months, and I realize: wherever my concept of what I believe I should be doing as a parent came from, it’s one I believe in the depths of my heart to be the correct path for me and my family.

That isn’t to say that I believe my children should never leave the house, or have friends!  But it is to say that I believe with everything in me – I believe that God is showing me – that we have been spending too much time away from home and spending too much time with friends, lately.  Not because those friendships are bad, but because I find myself ignoring my children while they’re playing with friends and not catching the negative things that are going on which is allowing bad attitudes to develop (for instance, rather than being right there to see who took what from whom and who had it first, I’m distracted and when they come to me I deliver a sentence that is unfair to everyone involved.)  This isn’t just going on with friends, of course, it’s going on in my own home.  While I’m off reading a book or working on pictures or researching the latest running techniques, my children are left to themselves and I’m doing a poor job monitoring their behavior and just plain loving on them!

People often tell me what great kids I have, and ask me how I did it.  I think this is part of the answer.  My life was a thousand times simpler during my older children’s formative years.  I was always right there with them, we rarely had play dates, and they were “tomato staked” the majority of the time.  As a result, we were able to catch and weed out improper behavior and attitudes quickly.  I look at my life then and contrast it with my life now and I know that things need to change.  I’m not saying that our family is going to join a monastery, but we’re going to continue doing what we’ve done this week: drawing back, limiting our commitments outside of the home, limiting our playtime with others, and I’m going to start getting my own work done and pursuing my own hobbies and interests while the kids are asleep or while my husband is home (and even then, leaving them with my husband as little as possible – I think there’s a reason God sent the husbands to work the fields, not the wives.)  I’m also planning to limit the amount of photography work I take on each month – we’re already doing that to some extent, but I plan to limit it even more after the baby is born.

I know this isn’t the right way for everyone.  I know that many would take issue with what we’re doing (really, with what we’ve always done save for the past year or so.)  And I don’t think my way is the right way for everyone.*  But I have come to believe, wholeheartedly, that it’s the right way for us.  My husband told me the other day that he felt like he had his wife back, and that the kids had their mother back.  I don’t think either one of us realized the strain we were under.  And I look at the fruit our lifestyle has produced in our older children and I’m convinced we’re doing the right thing.

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** I want to make it very clear that I make no judgements regarding the way others raise their families!  The things I speak of here are the things I believe God is showing me regarding my own family.  I look at Dean Karnazes who runs ultra marathons and spends more time away from his home than in it, yet says he is a better parent because of it.  And I believe that.  I look at the author of this post who believes she should always be home, and that her children shouldn’t be involved in any activities outside of the home and I believe she’s doing the right thing, too.  We all have our own paths to follow, and this is the path I believe God is leading us on, not the path I believe is right for everyone.

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Categories: Parenting, Raising Godly Children

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