Sometimes I find myself talking about God so much He becomes an identity marker but not an identity changer in my life.
Having God as an identity marker is nothing but a label, a language, and a lifestyle. I’m a Christian. I talk like one. I act like one.
But having God as an identity changer is something so much more. It’s lavish abandon to who God is and who He’s made me to be. Holding nothing back…
What has been stopping me from absolute lavish abandon to God?
I need to know.
I’m desperate to figure it out.
So, I asked Pastor Matthew- a man who lives this lavish abandon, “Aren’t you afraid sometimes? You run a facility where you have to raise a half-million dollars a month- a MONTH! Do you walk around with the weight of that on you all the time?”
And his answer cracked my heart wide open. “No. When you experience God the way I’ve been experiencing God for 17 years, you stop being afraid. I’ve seen too many miracles.”
Oh. Tears. The woman who doesn’t cry was flooded with a crack in the dam of her soul.
My. God. That. Is. It.
I’ve stopped positioning my life for miracles. In an effort to never make God look bad, I’ve sought only that which I can carefully measure and predict and manipulate into being.
God, help me.
God, forgive me.
If I truly want to be a woman who lives by faith, I must live a life that requires a little bit of faith.
The kind that changes everything.
In my own life, it’s not only the desire not to make God look bad that makes me hesitate to “position my life for miracles” and make myself (and those around me) vulnerable. There are a thousand reasons, some of them completely legitimate and logical (in my own mind,) as to why I shouldn’t put myself in situations that require the miraculous. I might not be ready, or this may not be the right time, or (God forbid) God may not answer the way I think He should and then my faith will be shaken – or worse, someone else’s faith might be shaken.
As I pray about these things, it seems to me that everything I fear can be answered in this: it is my commission and my privilege, to place myself in circumstances and situations that require the miraculous in my life and in the lives of others. It is my commission and privilege to pray for the impossible and abandon myself to His care. In doing so, God will respond. He may not respond the way I think He should, or the way I want Him do, but He will respond. He will respond with His protection, His love, His peace. He will respond by drawing me closer to Himself, and teaching me the things He wants me to learn. Will Satan use it as an opportunity to shake my faith, or that of those around me? Certainly. But that which he means for evil, God will use for good.
What if we weren’t afraid to live for the miraculous? What if we weren’t afraid to pray for the sick and expect them to get well? What if we weren’t afraid to make bold statements like: “I’m POSITIVE God will give you a victory” (when I wrote that in this post, I went back and forth a number of times, tempted to delete it, before deciding that it needed to be said.) What if we weren’t afraid to pray for the dying and engage in spiritual warfare on their behalf, and deal with the emotional and spiritual struggle that comes if we lose? What if we put it all on the line and make ourselves so vulnerable that we could easily be hurt – possibly destroyed? What if we were to put ourselves in positions where we know we will get hurt and torn, where our faith will be shaken and our spirit bruised, trusting God to mend us and teach us what He wants us to learn? What would happen if we sought after that which only God can give?