Did you know that your mouth can continue screaming long after your brain has recognized that you’re safe?
Today, I went to throw something out on the back porch and ran into a spider web. Not a big deal, there are always spider webs on our back porch. But something about the way this web felt, and the fact that it didn’t give when I stepped into it, registered to my subconscious the fact that this was a very large web. Which then registered the fact that very large webs are usually the homes of very large spiders. It took me about a 23rd of a second to realize this before I looked up and saw this lovely creature, crawling only a few inches above my forehead…
Just to give you an idea of how large that garden spider was, here’s a picture with a dollar bill as a reference point…
The dollar bill is almost touching it… my daughter isn’t as afraid of spiders as I am. Eventually, one of my kids will probably name it and start feeding it grasshoppers from the yard. But, I digress.
I started screaming and could. not. stop. Even after I’d backed into the house and was what I considered a “safe” distance away. Even when the kids came running to find out what was wrong. I just sat there looking at this spider, screaming. My throat still hurts from all the screaming. It was awful. And kinda funny. In retrospect.
Afterward, I did what any good arachnophobic photographer would do. Made my daughter come outside with me and take a few pictures. Her job was to hold a white piece of paper in behind it, so I could get a better picture and monitor the spider for ANY movement whatsoever.
Afterward, I poked at it with a hanger a few times, just to see what it would do.
And screamed some more.
I love a good adventure.
Update: The kids named “her” Charlotte (original, huh?) and “she” has now been relocated to a remote corner of the yard, far, far away from the back door.