Sometimes I Don’t Want to “Live in Faith”

For a long time, my husband and I have lived in such a way that we don’t have a savings account or a lot of money for “extras.”  Several years ago, we adopted a statement by George Muller’s biographer as our own personal philosophy regarding money:

“If few men have ever been permitted so to trace in the smallest matters God’s care over His children, it is partly because few have so completely abandoned themselves to that care” 

But lately, this financial dependance on God has been chaffing at me.  There is this part of me that wants a huge house and horses and a swimming pool and nice clothes and… and… and…  There is a part of me that, to be honest, is tired of having to rely on God for everything.  Which is sad, because we’ve quite literally seen miracles in our lives regarding financial needs, and yet I find in myself a part of me that doesn’t want to HAVE to see financial miracles.  Wouldn’t it be nice not to have to rely on God?  This part of my heart answers yes, yes it would.

Last night, I was sitting and thinking about these things when I felt God speak to my heart and ask me a question.  He asked: “What is it that bothers you about your financial situation?  What would you gain, if you had so much money that you never again struggled?”

I decided to answer by making a list, and as I wrote each “benefit” down, God was quick to reply:

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– My needs would be met immediately, (instead of going weeks without, while waiting on God.)

Your needs are met in God’s timing.

– I wouldn’t have to struggle with having the faith to pray for my needs to be met.

Faith and struggle are a part of God’s refining fire

– I wouldn’t be a financial burden to others, who have helped us during our times of need

You won’t be a burden if no one knows your need… If God chooses to meet a need through the hand of a brother or sister in Christ, who is unaware of my need, then I can have peace in the knowledge that it is not my need that moved them to help, but God Himself.

– I would be able to give people anything they need.

You can pray that God give them everything they need.

– I wouldn’t be ashamed to invite people over

Be a good steward of what you have, and have so much love pouring all over your home that it becomes beautiful to all who visit.

– I could have horses

Be a good friend to someone who has horses (that sounds very utilitarian, but it’s not meant that way.  The point that God was speaking to me is that the more love I have for others, the more opportunities will be available for God to show His love for me.)

– I wouldn’t have to worry about food or clothes

(Besides the obvious scripture answer here [Matthew 6:25-34]), Start ASKING for the things you need (James 4:2-3.)

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I think, ultimately, what it comes down to is faith.  I want more faith, but am not always willing to go through the trials God needs to take me through to grow it inside of me.  The hard truth is that it’s easier to live in such a way that I really don’t need God.  It’s easier to be secure in my own ability and provision than it is to throw caution to the wind and step into a place where I could get hurt -badly.  Often, I feel like the one of the Israelites… though God parted the red sea for them, provided manna from heaven, provided water when there was none, the Israelites continued to struggle.  “What if He doesn’t, this time?”

I don’t know what God is going to do in the years ahead.  Perhaps He will have a new lesson for us – perhaps He will someday walk us through prosperity, and teach us how to be prosperous in faith.  I certainly don’t think that there is anything wrong with being wealthy (Deut 8:18, Psalm 35:27, Ecc 5:19, Job 41:13-15, 2 Chron 2:11-12)  But for now, I see that there are still lessons for me here, and I’m thankful.

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Ask (for what?) and you shall receive

Testimony of Providence